Broken
by Vampire00Diaries
Summary: Sometimes, when he thinks that everyone is asleep, she hears him crying. Maybe it's true that Stefan really is closer to being saved than she thought. Of course, Elena will always love him, but will he let her? Stelena. Post 3x11
1. Chapter 1

All it took was a drastic, stupid decision which lead to a fight, and he was gone.

As soon as he got back into his old, red porsche and drove away, a part of me was expecting that he'd turn back around. Somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach I had hoped that he would have forced me to get back in the car. But he didn't. He just drove away.

Nevertheless, I saw the tears in his eyes.

I could see right through him in that rare moment. He broke my heart repeatedly, and for the very first time, for just a split second, I could see that his heart was breaking too. And yes, I was furious with him and I never wanted to see his face again in this gut wrenching moment, but I knew that would pass. Because I could never truly hate Stefan; I simply hated what had become of him.

But he drove away without me. The Stefan I once knew and loved was still buried beneath the complex layers of the reckless monster I had just spoken to was out of reach. I didn't know if he'd ever be the same after this, after all he did, but I was sure that he was still in there.

Somehow, I saw the tears in his eyes.

Damon picked me up soon after Stefan drove off. I didn't feel much like talking, and he respected that. After he said goodnight and I walked back inside my home, I couldn't concentrate on much. With an aching head and a painful, aching heart, I thought about all that had happened that night. From the cruelty in Stefan's words, to the raw emotion displayed in his teal eyes.

I couldn't concentrate. So in the middle of the night, I got in my car and drove.

Now, here I was in the Salvatore boarding house, my heart feeling as if it could burst, mind filled with exhaustion, but I didn't care. I wanted answers. Damon was obviously out drinking, and if Stefan was home, he didn't hear me.

I jumped when I suddenly heard a loud crash come from upstairs, followed by another. I furrowed my brows, confused and now fueled by a strange curiosity. Hesitantly, I made my way up the stairs, realizing the noise was coming from Stefan's bedroom, making me gasp. What was he doing?

Praying that he wouldn't hear me, I pressed my ear to the door and listened closely, my heart pounding so loudly I wouldn't be surprised if he heard it. Closing my eyes, I concentrated.

He was ripping pieces of paper apart and throwing things, I realized with a shock. This went on for a few minutes, and I flinched every single time I heard something else break.

Then it just... stopped.

Instantly, along with the noise, I froze, desperately hoping that he didn't hear me on the other side of his door. If he found out that I was here and listening in on him, things were bound to get even worse. Fortunately, it seemed that he was too caught up with his actions to concentrate on anything but that.

I listened again. This time, all I could make out were his deep, labored breaths. My mind spun with a thousand questions: why was he doing this, what was he even doing? Then, another sound filled my ears and it all came together.

I could hear him crying.

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><p>AN: Okay, this story will take place obviously after 3x11. I'm sorry for lack of detail here, but it's past midnight and I'm exhausted. Not sure about this story, but let me know if you think I should continue. Please review telling me what you think! Every comment inpires me more than you can imagine! xoxo<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

"You're better than both of us." And then he drove away... again.

As soon as the purr of his engine drifted away, I was left with nothing but the rough thrums of rain hitting pavement. I didn't bother turning around to get dry in Abbe Bennett's house; the idea never even crossed my mind. All I could do was stare at the driveway, where Stefan had been standing before he left. His words continued to spin through my mind. You're too good for both of us.

The significance of his words wasn't the fact that he said Damon was undeserving of me. It was that he said that they both were. That I was too good for him. Stefan.

He truly wasn't gone; I was sure of it. He wasn't gone at all.  
>His crying in the middle of the night was the first indication that he was still in there. A part of me, though, was convinced that he was simply crying because he truly had gone crazy. But now, I knew.<p>

For the first time in months, I saw the very first real glimpse at the Stefan I loved unconditionally. It wasn't just in his eyes; it was the voice he used, his words. I saw him, truly saw him.

Within a few minutes, Bonnie was pulling into the driveway. Hurriedly, soaked from the pouring rain, I went inside of her car, relieved at the warm heat blasting through the vents. "Oh my god... are you okay?" she asked worriedly the second I entered.

I exhaled deeply. "Yeah. I will be. Are you?"

"Where's the vampire?" came a voice from the backseat, making me jump. There Bonnie's mother was, looking frazzled. She was already getting ready to open the door but it was clear she was afraid Stefan was still there and seeking revenge.

"He left," I reassured her. "He won't be back. I promise."

She nodded and rushed outside to check on Jamie, promising Bonnie she'd meet her back home very soon.

There was a long silence as Bonnie and I drove back to Mystic Falls, my distant gaze going out to the window most of the time, watching the trees fade to blurs. We briefly discussed the coffins, how Damon hid the fourth and woke Elijah. Apparently he texted Bonnie with the plan, but I was too exhausted to really care. I'd let that information sink in tomorrow.

"What happened with Jamie?" she finally asked me.

I didn't turn to look at her. "He shot Stefan and tied me up. I got free though... had to pull the bullets out of him."

I could hear my best friend's gasp but still didn't bother turning, far too buried in my swirling thoughts and emotions. "Ouch. Must have felt liberating to pull wood chips out of your ex though."

I laughed a little at that. "Yeah, I guess. But he was actually kind of different." It was then that I turned to look at her. "I hurt him tonight."

Bonnie's lips turned up in an amused grin, making me furrow my brows. "Duh. You pulled pieces of a bullet out of his chest!" She shook her head, as if the idea of Stefan feeling something true again was completely over her head.

"No," I corrected. "I told him I... kissed Damon."

Silence.

"Bonnie," I started after a long, tense moment. "Is it stupid of me to think that he'll ever be the same?"

She shrugged. "Well, he was good, Elena. He saved me once. He sacrificed himself for Jenna and went into the tomb for Jeremy. He did all of it because he knew we meant something to you... because he loved you." Bonnie smiled just a bit at that, but it was faint and I knew she had more to say. "Now is the real Stefan good or evil? I don't know. But that kind of love doesn't just go away. I think that someday he'll try again... for you."

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><p>Bonnie dropped me off at the boarding house. Although I was hoping not to run into Stefan and get into another heart-wrenching argument, I was a little disappointed to see only Damon in the parlor. That usual smirk curled on his lips, almost triumphantly and for some odd reason I had to stop myself from wincing.<p>

"Busy night?" he asked melodically, taking a sip of scotch.

"Just a little," I sighed, dropping my bag to the floor. "Is Stefan here?"

"Nope," Damon announced smugly, popping the p. "He punched me and left. Wonder what you two'v been... discussing today? Hmmm..." He grinned proudly, the look only angering me. Involuntarily, my fists clenched by my sides.

"Do you care at all?" I snapped furiously.

"Care about what? The fact that we kissed... and you loved it?" he laughed. "Steffy was bound to find out anyways. I expected his reaction to be a little less maudlin, but hey, what are you gonna do?"

Gritting my teeth, I glared. "You had no right to tell Bonnie we kissed today, by the way. I didn't think you'd be so willing to proclaim it to the world. Did you ever think for a second about how I felt about all of this? How your own brother would feel about this?"

Damon shook his head. "Stefan's hurt you way too many times for his opinion to matter. He doesn't get an opinion."

I bit my lip. Maybe it was true, that Stefan shattered me so much I shouldn't have cared for a second about what he would think of the kiss. But I did, because although he'd never admit it, I saw his heart break tonight. "He got hurt tonight, Damon. And because of that, it should matter. You're his own brother. Or did you completely forget?"

With that, I was back out the door until I suddenly stopped, realizing that Bonnie had dropped me off and I had no way to get home. Sighing, I figured I could walk to the grill since it wasn't too far and I'd be able to get a ride home from Matt. His shift would be over soon.

Soon, I was in the parking lot of the Mystic Grill, approaching the door. Grinning lightly in knowledge that I'd be warm soon, I opened the door and walked in. Immediately consumed by a gust of hot air from the heater, I smiled contently. Suddenly, Matt's voice took me out of the perfectly simple moment.

"Elena? We're about to close... Are you here for him?" he asked. At Matt's words, I arched a brow in confusion, puzzled.

"Who?" I chuckled lightly to cover my confusion. "Actually I was coming here to..." my words trailed of when I turned my head to look around the place, my gaze landing at the lone figure sitting at the bar a few seats away from the remaining drinkers, with his leather-clad back hunched and his head in his arms. It wasn't clear to me whether he was simply deep in thought or incredibly drunk, but the empty bottle by his side was the main indication that it was the latter. This man was without a doubt Stefan.

Hurriedly but politely, I excused myself from Matt and walked over to Stefan, not sure if I should berate him for solving his problems with alcohol, or simply be thankful that he was drinking whiskey instead of the inhabitants of the grill.

I reluctantly took a seat next to Stefan, spinning the stool so that I was facing him. Sighing, I placed my elbow on the bar and just watched him. He was almost silent, aside from the shallow, uneven breaths he was taking. "Stefan," I whispered, placing a hand on his still shoulder. He didn't respond, so I said his name again, this time reaching around his face to lift him up. Sluggishly but without a fight, Stefan lifted his head and turned his face in my direction due to my adamant grip. For a second, I was scared I'd see blood on his chin, signs of a kill.

But I didn't. Instead, I saw the stain from a lone tear that had accidentally streamed down his face. Dropping my hand, I looked into his hazy eyes, frowning. "You've cried every night for the past few days, haven't you?" I questioned softly.

He didn't really hear me though. At the sound of my voice, a slow, lazy smile formed on Stefan's smooth lips. "Elena!" he sloppily announced. As he did so, he slowly reached for the bottle next to him, as if to say cheers. He was about to bring it to his lips, but I grabbed it from him gently and set it back on the table.

"How much have you had to drink?" I asked sternly.

"Lost count," he muttered, continuing to give me that fake grin. But Stefan was always terrible at hiding things, and especially, due to the alcohol running through his bloodstream, his cold mask seemed to completely fade away. That drunken smile of his quickly became a frown.

I bit my lip, just staring at him. Taking a deep breath, I decided that I could also get rid of my tough facade just for the night and take care of him, because I knew somehow that if the tables were turned he'd still be the first one to carry me home. "Why are you here, Stefan?"

He spaced out, looking far off at something only he could see. "B'cause... it hurts," he slurred out. I frowned, wondering if I'd gotten all of the wood chips out of his chest, but before I could ask he continued. "I don't wanna hurt... I don't wanna lose more than I already have. I just wanna make it st'p... make it all stop."

He hardly even sounded coherent, his statements blurring together, but I realized one thing. He was hurting mentally, not physically. "Stefan..."

Stefan shook his head at me, laughing for no apparent reason, especially since his eyes were full of such overwhelming sadness. "May... Maybe I shoulda juss' let 'im shoot me again, huh? You didn't have to pull the bullets out... I bet if you didn't pull 'em out it'd stop. Then everyone'd be really happy."

My heart dropped when Stefan said that. I was hoping to find subtle hints of bitter sarcasm in his voice, but there was none. His eyes were full of sadness, and for the first time I could truly classify him. He didn't want to be completely gone, but he wasn't prepared to fall apart either. He was somewhere in between: not feeling, not un-feeling, simply just... lost.

"Don't talk like that," I warned.

He smiled, as if he was imagining how wonderful the world would be without him. "I wouldn't have to be your burden," he slurred. "You wouldn't have to worry about me getting in the way."

I bit my bottom lip, remembering when I'd practically told him that earlier that night, and arguably, those words had wounded him more than the information about the kiss did. "The world would be a lonely place without you," I finally said.

Stefan frowned deeply. "Nah," he got out slowly. "You'd be okay... You're doin' just fine, Lena..."

Letting out the breath I didn't even know I was holding, I slid off of the chair and approached him. I decided that trying to talk to Stefan when he was this intoxicated was pretty pointless; he was way past hearing much of what I said. But this depressed side of him, though it worried me, it gave me hope. And I knew that when I'd see him tomorrow, he would be cold and bitter again, but I'd be able to face him. Because somehow, in his own twisted way, he believed I was better off without him. Who knew? Maybe it was true, but it didn't matter, as long as the Stefan I knew into the very depths of his soul was buried deep within himself.

I wrapped my arm around his broad shoulders and guided him out of the barstool. "Let's get you home, okay?" He nodded dazedly. "Please tell me you brought your car." Once again, Stefan nodded and I sighed in relief, reaching into his leather coat pocket for the keys.

He could hardly walk, but tenaciously held onto me while we stumbled to the parking lot, as if I was the only thing keeping him on earth. And right before I put him into the passenger seat of his car and he fell unconscious, he mumbled something that both baffled me and shook me to the bone.

"You'd be alright, Elena... But for me... For me the world _is _lonely without you."

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><p><em><strong>AN: Ah, intense chapter! LOL, Stefan and his drunken emotional banter... I hope you enjoyed this update and I'm sorry it took me a few days! Your reviews were so incredible and I updates this fic as soon as I could!<strong>_

_**Please let me know what you're thinking and if I should still continue. Let me know what you like, what you don't like. Every review means so much to me and inspires me to post ASAP. So, review for a quick update :)**_

**_Thanks!_**

**_-Sara_**


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